Or some like skinny looking woman as opposed to muscular ones. Its a good question, and whenever women hear that its ok to initiate contact with a guy, they inevitably want to know how to pursue him without looking desperate. Ever frighten the thought of seeing those double chins, flabby arms, muggy thighs and plump tummies? Putting hurdles in front of men to prove their interest sounds like something every self respecting, quality Woman should do to make sure she is attracting quality men! I was separated from my husband when my guy friend and I got intimate. anyways that nite was fun we had drinks chat etc. There are too many men now a days giving away their masculinity. So even from the female perspective these aren't random events. Had mostly guy friends, drank too much, wore slutty clothes, swore a lot (note all the past tense) but then somehow, with my big hoop earrings I managed to meet the most amazing shy guy who is totally someone I think is hotter than me but doesn't know it, and voila, he was awesome enough for me to quit drinking, quit smoking, I still swear like a trooper though and I find (also from reading your blog) that my dress sense and style have always been cute (what with the non matching undies and the fact that high heels kill my feet! And Im not saying you should chase a man, because you shouldnt. You've said elsewhere that being up front about wanting to wait before sex happens is a good thing to bring up with a guy, but how/when to do so in such a way as to not appear to be TOO hard to get, or seen as prudish? But you realize all that, I'm not attacking you, just venting :). Okay, another reason why he is never initiating contact is that he simply isn't used to it! Share with us your thoughts, and once there are some answers, Ill share my answer too. I've never sent promiscuous signals through behavior or the way I dress, so I was shocked by how forward a guy could be with me. He was a friend of the groom and friends with a lot of people there. I met this guy and he "likes" my hottest pics. Don't do this with people you don't know that well, but if you're closer friends it's an option. Next, it is extremely attractive if a girl knows what she wants. There's definitely a reason he's letting you do all the work without cutting contact once and for all. As a boyfriend, he will keep you wondering if he is going to take you out. He hasn't said anything like that since our lunch. Initiating contact is needed when communicate with shy or introvert guy. This seems to reiterate the old saying that if you have to ask if he likes you, he doesn'tit has definitely been true in all of my experience with boys/men. Okay, another reason why he is never initiating contact is that he simply isnt used to it! However, dont confuse chasing with initiating, because they are different things. Perhaps a movie with some friends? I'm sure you could articulate it better than me :), I (a woman) also never initiate contact- fear of sending wrong signals, etc. If you are online dating, the best method to initiate with a man without looking desperate is to use high value banter. via GIPHY. I know it's not "advice" but can you give any general advice when a guy initiates dating after an ons? Your focus is to find another way to love you. You see, there is a chance that he noticed that he likes you a LOT, and so hes suddenly getting scared. It is perfectly possible to draw more attention only from changing your hair. And this is often a reason that women say that men should be the ones to chase. I only ever contact men I consider friends, not men I am interested in. He seems really into me and have been super keen. In general, you will know someone is just playing games if they always say sweet things, but their actions dont match their words. Does this mean he is interested in having a relationship or testing the waters? "The hurdle is her appearance and personality" This may be the case in establishing attraction but once dating has begun in earnest--- tests or hurdles actually test that personality of hers for its authenticity and weakness. Thanks for the insightful blog. I was drawn to himWe get out and both are following me to the club, we start talking and eventually all three on and 'C' just took my hand and we sat down outside. In those cases, a guy might actually refrain from contacting you first because hes afraid of scaring you off. in a bar situation, with diagrams showing how your positioning can influence guys into approaching, or prevent them from doing so. So its rare that a guy will find a girl attractive both personality and looks wise?Mannnn, your making us men look bad. Thanks for reply.I read your post on 'rejection' and think it is wise. A lot of Men and Women love to proudly announce "I don`t put up with such games or such childish bullshit" --you test me and I am gone! Meanwhile, after working side by side with this guy for weeks, the thought of something more than a friendship never crossed my mind until for some bizarre reason, everyone at work started teasing us that we liked each other (yeah, they're all like 12 years old). (The most powerful emotion for men) - (Men fall in love with women who do THIS): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Unwb6Sgfybc, https://kursusteknisiservicehp.blogspot.com/, https://kursusservicehplampung.blogspot.com/, https://jasaeditfotobandarlampung.blogspot.com/, https://jasapengetikandibandarlampung.blogspot.com/, Filtering out the men that just want to have sex with her from the men that want to date her. I want to know, because although I can often spot a player, I am seriously not getting this. This is usually the woman, but if it is the man, then he needs to follow the same rules I've prescribed here. I am curious to know what your opinion is on this, Andrew. Because no matter how masculine a guy is, hes going to instinctively be looking for responsiveness and attunement in his woman. I used to be a model for both makeup and underwear, and although I have my hang-ups like most women, I'm fairly confident I'm placed high up on the scale attractiveness-wise. Also, what are your thoughts on accepting a man's friend request on FB after say 5 dates? social phobia and is afraid of rejection. Maybe your guy friend thinks that you are a 5what then? Those kinds of guys are the same ones that, if a woman they're conversing with does nothing to initiation any conversation will eventually stop talking to her and take her lack of any initiation as a sign of rejection. You can just be yourself and better yourself. "Actually, the opposite may be true. I actually prefer it this way - I won't give my number in a venue like that. Feminine women are initiators in their own way, just as much as men are. Yes, you need to screen out men who are timid and and screen out men not that into you. I don't judge whether a man's interest in me is due to his need of the moment (purely sexual) or if he's seriously interested in a relationship until he displays the tells which signal to me what I need to know and how to respond - because, often he is not even aware of his motivation. Furthermore I dated also hundreds of girls.I did not have time to read the comments, but i don't agree fully with your text.I agree with the sentence that you should watch after a guys actions instead of words. So the next day I noticed in his dating profile his photos were gone. This is something we all have to go through at some point or another! A while I suggest you do not chase him, I would never tell you that it's bad to initiate with a man. Just let it be. If you want change in this area, engage in. Be human, emotionally engage or send subtle signals and connect with men, despite feeling vulnerable. I made out and cuddled with one Danish boy while he was touring the US, and it was me the one who had to make the first moves - he was too shy to make any even though he clearly liked me and I was obviously flirting with him. We are very often guilty of making decisions on emotion alone, without really giving things proper thought or consideration first. Look, I understand the whole fear behind the advice to never initiate. We have a ton in common and the date was magical. Maybe this guy is not super into you, but he wants to be, so he is seeing where things go right now. You see, more guys than you think to get really intimidated by intelligent or beautiful women. The way you let a man know you enjoy yourself is to thank him and tell him you had a good time at the end of the date. I guess this is one of your biggest fears with this whole situation, right? Anyway, I think if a guy is after you for sex sometimes he doesn't care, and will keep trying because he cares so little he doesn't care if he gets rejected. There were only a couple of times that he texted me to ask questions, but never to just say hi. So you are spec. A guy who is sure of himself wont have this problem because he isnt worried you will get bored of him anytime soon. He asks me what I'm doing, sometimes he asks me to do something togheter and all that. If you liked this article, CLICK HERE to check out my full article archives! If hes always texting you and youre the only one initiating contact, or if hes being really flirty but never wants to meet up with you, then chances are that hes just playing games. Other than that women don't need to do a thing. As a college sophomore, I have made a lot of guy friends who I would definitely be interested in possibly exploring relationships with at some point, and I know that they are attracted to me (because they say so and make it abundantly clear in their stereotypical drunk-boy compliments), but nothing ever happens with them because I know a drunken hook up would be a huge mistake. He is trying to get you to contact him first. My coworker. Okay, thats the one you probably didnt want to read, but maybe there is someone else in the picture who has snatched all his attention away from you! Sometimes it seems even rich men very much notice the difference between us in terms of looks, whereas I would think "isn't his options with women good anyway?". CLICK HERE to LEARN the one specific emotional trigger. He responds well and puts in an effort to keep our conversations going, but he never hits me up unless I text him first. Read these posts and hear all of the trickery and dishonesty.Really! I'm currently in a situation where I feel like I might have to be the one to initiate. I thought he could get it from someone else and still in friendship with me if we couldn't be couple. Honestly though, I'm getting really put off to say the least because I know he's interested by the frequency and genuine interest he takes in getting to know me, but I've gotta wait till when? I just want to stay in the woman lane and be a woman and a man be a man. Another reason why guys wont initiate contact is that they are not ready for a relationship yet. Both sexes need to be comfortable with "rejection. ".it is so important for a woman to allow a man to initiate contact after an initial meeting"OK, but just how are those initial meetings supposed to happen? I've gone out with guys who are less attractive than me physically (guys/girls will tell me I'm a 8.5-9, and friends have told me they saw the guy I was seeing as a 4 to them), but there are other things to them which makes them more attractive. He was insulted and surprised when I didn't want to kiss him, and the evening ended badly. been there, done that, so boring. So, when you are texting him and he doesnt respond at all, its best to simply stop. That was 5 days ago. The only way you will give off the "slut" aura you are talking about is if you actively pursue men (though this could just be through heavy eye contact, s suggestive smile, etc.). I feel like I might have to be, so he is never initiating is! Seeing those double chins, flabby arms, muggy thighs and plump tummies because he isnt worried you get... For a relationship yet that nite was fun we had drinks chat etc couple of times he... 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